Sunday, June 19, 2016

Happy Father's Day

My dad and I don't often talk too deeply because we're not exactly wired for that to be comfortable for either one of us. Instead, we mostly stick to sports and the occasional smattering of political ranting and other typical 'guy bullshit' water cooler topics. But deep down, we respect and love each other...but it took a lot to get here.

When I moved in with Jake (he of the infamous Jake-o-nomics money plan that will never be forgotten. Seriously, if you have not yet been regaled with the tales of living with Jake, ask. It was interesting.) it was to get away from my dad. To say that we weren't fond of each other at the time would probably be something of an understatement. Too much had been said or unsaid for too long, and every little thing seemed like an attack for both of us. I had long bristled at his insane perfectionism, and I decided to respond by just not trying any more. The perfect plan! You know, if my objective was to completely screw myself over... (And now you know why I didn't graduate high school).



Anyway, I moved in with Jake. And after a couple of weeks, dad and I started talking. Every Friday he would come in after work, pick me up, and we'd go eat somewhere and talk. REALLY talk. This was rather unprecedented. My dad doesn't really open up much at all. And I definitely picked up (and fight) that trait from him. But talk we did about a lot of things. It was a series of open and brutally frank conversations that we absolutely needed to have. We started to figure out our problems and clear the air and basically just start over.

Things got better. And I don't just mean between the two of us but actually with us as individuals. I at least started figuring out a few things, though it took a lot longer than it probably should have for me to get to this point. And he changed a lot more than I often give him credit for. The perfectionism slowly dissolved away. It's still there a bit, but he no longer drives everyone crazy (or drives himself crazy, because that had to be happening as well) with a constant need for everything to be just so. I give him a lot of credit for that because recognizing flaws and actually doing something about them is an absolute motherfucker to take on.

And now we're good. We might not keep having the same talks we did before, but we also don't need to. I'd like to think that we could pull it off if we ever do find ourselves requiring something like that, but hopefully it's never needed. Finding a happy mutual respect required following a rocky, twisting pathway that really sucked, but we got there. And that's what matters.

It would help if perhaps a respite from the murder re-cap shows and cream sauces could happen, though. Seriously.

Sunday, June 12, 2016

Boy it Sure is Different in Here

So, I've spent the past few weeks sending off resumes and applications to various companies. Some are part time jobs that might fit around my existing hours (note to those seeking part time staff : maybe mention what fucking hours you're looking for someone to work. Wasting time putting together applications for something I can't take is getting really old, really fast). Others are straight up full time jobs where I'd leave where I am now and move on. Regardless of what they are, I'm quickly realizing something.

I don't really remember how in the Hell to do any of this.


I used to be a pro at looking for jobs. When you're hopping from place to place as often as I was, you sort of have to be one. I had the entire application and interview process down to a fine art. Everything was built for speed and efficiency. Not a second went to waste.

Now, I'm sending off applications for the first time in two and a half years. And that previous time was the first time I'd done so in probably two years. I'm quick about sending off applications for writing gigs, but I have totally forgotten what the Hell I'm doing with a job search. No more quick and easy copy-paste jobs from between half a dozen different cover letters as I immediately determine the best one for this particular position. No more highlighting what's important on my resume for this particular job in about 45 seconds. I'm fumbling around in an unfamiliar morass of confusion. It's sad. It's like watching my dad try to come to grips with technology.


Okay, maybe it isn't THAT bad.


In the long run, I suppose it's probably a good thing that what was once so ridiculously familiar is no longer so. People aren't supposed to be as comfortable with looking for jobs as I was. It's a strange skill to possess.

And yet, it's a skill that I find myself wishing I still had, if only for a little while.

Oh well, I suppose I'll muddle through.

One thing that I have gotten better at is having the door slammed shut. I'm not someone who has typically dealt well with rejection, mainly because I overthink everything. So when it would happen, my brain would fly into an uncontrollable spin cycle of over-analysis until I had driven myself completely insane and barely slept for three days (This really isn't an exaggeration. If any of you ever took too long to reply to an email or whatever back in the day, I was stewing about it for hours on end. Seriously. I was kind of obsessive nuts. I've moved on from that...for the most part). Now, thanks to a few years of scrabbling for every freelance dollar that I can get my hands on, it doesn't feel quite so much like a slap in the face as it used to. It isn't personal, so why take it that way? It's still a bit of a downer, but the reality is that there are a fuck ton of people looking right now. So I'll have to exhibit some level of patience.

Yeah, about that...

Now we run into another problem. I'm not patient. Not even slightly. And when there are things that I want to do, but I'm stuck until I find that other job...yeah. Not helping. So, for the sake of my own sanity and the health and well being of those stuck around me in the mean time, let's hope this doesn't end up taking too long.