My dad and I don't often talk too deeply because we're not exactly wired for that to be comfortable for either one of us. Instead, we mostly stick to sports and the occasional smattering of political ranting and other typical 'guy bullshit' water cooler topics. But deep down, we respect and love each other...but it took a lot to get here.
When I moved in with Jake (he of the infamous Jake-o-nomics money plan that will never be forgotten. Seriously, if you have not yet been regaled with the tales of living with Jake, ask. It was interesting.) it was to get away from my dad. To say that we weren't fond of each other at the time would probably be something of an understatement. Too much had been said or unsaid for too long, and every little thing seemed like an attack for both of us. I had long bristled at his insane perfectionism, and I decided to respond by just not trying any more. The perfect plan! You know, if my objective was to completely screw myself over... (And now you know why I didn't graduate high school).
Anyway, I moved in with Jake. And after a couple of weeks, dad and I started talking. Every Friday he would come in after work, pick me up, and we'd go eat somewhere and talk. REALLY talk. This was rather unprecedented. My dad doesn't really open up much at all. And I definitely picked up (and fight) that trait from him. But talk we did about a lot of things. It was a series of open and brutally frank conversations that we absolutely needed to have. We started to figure out our problems and clear the air and basically just start over.
Things got better. And I don't just mean between the two of us but actually with us as individuals. I at least started figuring out a few things, though it took a lot longer than it probably should have for me to get to this point. And he changed a lot more than I often give him credit for. The perfectionism slowly dissolved away. It's still there a bit, but he no longer drives everyone crazy (or drives himself crazy, because that had to be happening as well) with a constant need for everything to be just so. I give him a lot of credit for that because recognizing flaws and actually doing something about them is an absolute motherfucker to take on.
And now we're good. We might not keep having the same talks we did before, but we also don't need to. I'd like to think that we could pull it off if we ever do find ourselves requiring something like that, but hopefully it's never needed. Finding a happy mutual respect required following a rocky, twisting pathway that really sucked, but we got there. And that's what matters.
It would help if perhaps a respite from the murder re-cap shows and cream sauces could happen, though. Seriously.
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