Hey, Maybe This DOESN'T Suck!

Let us continue.

I can sometimes have a negativity problem.

Okay, that isn't exactly a mind-blowing revelation that will bring about the collapse of the global order. Sure, I'm a cynical bastard. And I MIGHT be just a little bit sarcastic. But I'm talking about outright negativity here. And not just directed at mankind as a whole, since we're really just a collective of utterly stupid lumps who...

Ahem...

Okay, back on track!

No, what I was referring to this time was specific negativity dropped on to myself with the subtlety of a thermobaric weapon. I tend to be an incredibly harsh critic of myself. Maybe that stems from a past with many screw-ups in it (not being overly harsh there, that's just honesty) or maybe I've always been like this. I don't know. But it sure as Hell isn't doing me any favors.

When I finally got completely burnt out on writing and decided I was stepping away from looking for gigs on my primary freelance site, I had been offered a spot on a sister site with much bigger clients. I still stepped away because all that would have caused was a quicker downward spiral as I augured everything in to the ground spending more time working on bigger gigs. Hell, I got in to this to get away from warehouse job burnout. Not just grinding through something until I hit that level of misery should have been considered a positive.

And yet...

Well, I guess this was a failure.




Fuck that. Because I didn't fail. Actually, I did pretty well. I walked away before I absolutely detested what I was doing and started considering the very idea of writing something to be about as pleasant as a week spent in prison. So that negativity can suck my balls. Actually, that's probably not a good idea. I don't suspect that it would be very good at it. Also, I have now taken this in a disturbing direction that doesn't seem to feature an exit...

So yeah, I need to quit doing that (the slamming myself, not the disturbing sidebars into madness. That problem is incurable at this point). Let's call it 'Personal Goal #7,305'. And it isn't like nothing positive came from my freelance years. I learned that I can stretch myself creativity in ways that I may not previously have thought possible. I became a whole lot better at actually valuing my time. When you realize that you can attach an actual cash value to your day, you stop seeing interest in getting in stupid little shit-fights on the Internet. Hence the fact that my Facebook block list is already half a mile long. Why continue reading the words of people I find to be obnoxious ass-hats in groups I follow when I can just never, ever see their shit and get pulled into a vortex of nonsense?

Most importantly, I went ahead and actually took a swing at something that I'd always thought about doing but hadn't actually made a move towards. Not only did I take a crack at it, I made pretty solid contact. It might not have been an upper deck grand slam, but it was a pretty respectable line drive double that plated a run. I'd previously put off any real consideration of taking a crack at writing because I just didn't believe it would work out. I've backed away from things in the past because I was scared of taking a chance. Well, this time I took a chance. And it worked out really well. That's pretty awesome.

And I gotta say, I like having a place where I can dump this stuff that's just been running a never-ending spin cycle through my brain for months on end. Perhaps it's a sign that I need to find some other outlets so that I'm not utterly reliant on just one?

Maybe 'Personal Goal #7,306' should be to find some.